You Can't Stop What God Ordains
I first want to thank God, and I do mean truly thank Him for His grace. My husband, Adrian Powe, is my biggest blessing this far. He is my soulmate, the love of my life, and life partner. He is also my testimony. Adrian and I have been together on and off since 2007 when I was 15. When we first started courting, I instantly became attached to him. From the time I made it in from school, until 2:00am, I made it a hobby to talk on the phone with him nonstop. That went on for over a year. I lost my virginity to him and I just became attached. Sadly, a few months after that, our relationship went downhill. We broke up. I went through a period of a hard depression! I didn't eat for days, locked myself in my room, and my wardrobe and outer appearance became completely unattractive. The love of my life, had become the end of my life. My senior year was the hardest year. Where as I used to be one of the smartest people in my class, my grades dropped tremendously, and I didn't even care! By the grace of God, I still graduated. After high school we never really stopped communicating but we didn't make it obvious because he had gotten a girlfriend. Can you say empty hearted?? We saw each other on a sexual level. My heart ached so bad that I couldn't be with him, but every chance I got to be around him, I took it. There was nothing I wouldn't do for Adrian. I had literally made him my God. If he told me to go rob a bank, my reply would have been "which bank and how much money to get"? It was really that bad. I had low self-esteem issues and I felt that if I wasn't good enough for him, I wasn't good enough for anyone. He stalled getting into another relationship with me, but would get in and out of them with other females. I decided in the midst of me waiting on him that I could see other people. Of course, it was something he hated, but I got tired of being used and played. This went on for about four years.
In February 2011, he decided he was ready for another relationship again. I was so happy that $1,000,000.00 wouldn't be able to replace the joy I had inside. But being back with him, I was scared to lose him again so I kept begging him to marry me. I just knew without a shadow of a doubt that marriage would "seal the deal." He was extremely skeptical, but gave in. In June of 2011 we eloped. I was 19 and he was 20. It was hard because I had married the only person that mattered to me and I couldn't tell anyone. By this time, I felt that God had answered my prayers. I couldn't do anything but thank Him. I found myself in church every night at revivals just thanking God for what He had done for me. I decided to live for God. But Adrian did not. So when I was at home I would live and for cry out to God, but when I got around Adrian, I was living for what he lived for. I had to choose a side; I chose Adrian's. And with that choice, so much happened during the course of our marriage; from telling my grandparents that we were married, to his parents finding out, to me choosing between him and my grandparents, to leading us straight to a divorce.
April of 2012, we divorced. I was back a square one. The man I had called my husband had found peace back in the arms of a previous girlfriend that he had during the four year struggle I had gone through with him. Of course, I allowed myself to let love blind me of all the issues and hurt that was at hand, and started back having sex with him hoping it would change his mind again. And one day while I was sitting at work, I had to literally sit there and think to myself, "you are only 21 years old. You are too young to be holding yourself back and crying over this boy who doesn't care about you. There are other guys out there, so pick yourself up and go witness life. " I went home that same day, got on my knees and prayed to God this very prayer: Lord if Adrian isn't the one You have for me, then I need You to heal my heart, and send me the husband that You have for me, because I cannot keep sitting here crying over someone else's husband". I will never forget that prayer.
A week later, I met who I thought my husband would be. Even though we had never even went as far as a kiss, I became emotionally drained because I was finally free in my heart to love someone else, and this guy that I wanted deep in my heart to work, didn't. From that moment, I went into a phase of my life of thinking, since I am free, I will enjoy my freedom. I started to club a little more, socialize, drink and engage in sexual activity once again. I had never felt so free from what held me down in bondage for the past 6 years. I did this for a period of time and during this time the very person I couldn't see myself living without, was crying to be with me! But by this time, my heart became like steel for him. He poured out every last inch of feelings he had left inside of him, and I did not care. The seven years of my life of knowing him, I had never seen him cry, beg, or so emotional until now. But it was too late. I had fully moved on. This went on every single day for five months. At the time I didn't realize it, but the Lord had told me to go back to Adrian. My response was I will never be able to trust him. And the Lord's reply was "I'm gonna send him back to you, but it's gonna be the way he is supposed to be." I trusted God and went back. Of course, it was bumpy trying to get to what God had promised me, but we eventually got here. I thank God for it every day. My level of grace and favor, is not identical to anyone else's. The grace that I have, allowed me to end up with the very thing that had me in bondage. Women or men, don't EVER let yourself feel used just to get what you think is love. I would not recommend that any young lady fall subjective to this level of depression, low self-esteem, fleshly desires, demonic control, and a lower value of life that I had gone through, because it is not promised that everyone's ending is the same. From an encounter of molestation, to living in an environment of drugs, to having to fight off my own mother, many young ladies have died in these same circumstances. So while you have breath in your body, I would strongly persuade you to seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness and all other things shall be added on to you, because I had to endure all of these afflictions in life. This is because I decided not seek God and try to add it myself. Now that I've accepted Jesus, I am living better now, than I ever have before. Jesus is the only love that we will EVER witness. God bless you all.
