A God of Second Chances

To God I give honor and glory for his faithfulness towards me. I married at the age of 22 and my husband was 36. We dated a year and then got married. I met him through my sister, who worked with him at the post office. During the 12 years we were married we struggled a lot. We had a blended family; I had two children from different relationships and so did he. My husband was married before and had just gotten out of that marriage. Our challenges started with the difference in treatment pertaining to the kids. We had money issues, ex's drama and inner issues within ourselves. As time went on and things begin to worsen with everything going against us, I begin to think that my husband didn't love me or want to be married. I wasn't getting any attention from him because he was working all the time and he was tired when he got home. We were also having intimacy issues. I begin to have an affair that lasted over several years.

I started hanging out, drinking with friends and leaving the kids with him. We separated in the year 2001 and was divorced by 2005, the year I buried my mother. Divorce is like a death so I was mourning twice in that year. It felt like I was dying a death in my own mind. I was also dealing with my oldest son who was having his own issues with what was going on with us and school. I just wanted to die and be with my mom. I was depressed and asked God many of times to take me. I had to get a second job just to make the bills every month so I had to let the boys figure things out in the evenings for themselves. A year went by and God started to deal with me in my dreams. He basically showed me heaven and hell and I could see myself sliding into the pit of hell. I woke up the next day and knew that God was giving me a warning. I also had a dream of my mother, who was angry with me for still seeing the man I was having an affair with. I called him that same day and told him that I couldn't see him anymore.

I re-dedicated my life back to Christ in 2006, started attending bible study and the word started to heal my brokenness. I started reading the word on my own like never before. My ex-husband and I started talking again as God was dealing with him also. We re-married in March of 2007 at the court house. In 2012 we were separated again and I was tired of all this back and forth. The intimacy problems were still there and I started masturbating to keep from having an affair again. I didn't think that it was a sin to do this until after a couple of years God, once again, showed up while I was sleeping and with an angry voice told me to repent of this. At this point I just wanted a divorce to move on with my life because it was, to me, it was obvious we weren't made for each other. I tried asking my pastor for help such as counseling but that wasn't working.

As time went on the religion I knew was now turning into a relationship with God and my heart was strengthening. I started seeking God and asking him about what I should do before making decisions in life. I kept asking him about my marriage and what to do. God didn't answer me right away so I kept seeking and asking. He finally answered one day and said stop asking my servant for I have other things for him to do. I am the one who can restore this thing in your marriage. He said keep seeking me and apply the fruits of the spirit to your husband. Then he said encourage your husband, be quiet and pray. God didn't tell me to seek him for my husband, the seeking was for myself so that God could transform me into the wife that my husband needed. We are together and happy in love. God is still delivering and working things out of us.

I want to share what my husband sent to me one day out of the blue. “Hello my love, my wife, my help-mate, my companion, my mother of my children, my virtuous woman, my God fearing lover of God, my judge Judy, I love you so much sometimes I can't even explain. I thank God for you each and every day and that I show you in some way an expression of gratitude to you. Keep on being yourself not settling on the things that is not righteous in God sight and reaching for that higher calling in the Lord. God has a special anointing on you and I'm proud to be your husband. I pray for you. You keep praying for me in my walk in the Lord that I be worthy of such a spiritual companion.” God Bless You!